|LUCUBRATIONS OF A MAD GENIUS
The rants, raves, ponderings and hallucinations of
a man embracing insanity
Our infinitives are always fresh and split to order
Names always changed to protect the guilty
Sunday, August 10, 2003
posted by Mad | 12:20:00 PM
Wednesday, June 25, 2003
It’s snowing again. That does it! I’m quaffing a dram of my magic potion and I’m going to sleep until the magnolias on Commonwealth Avenue are in bloom again.
That is all. That is all I wanted to say...just because I know how to say it.
Tuesday, June 24, 2003
I’m back from the Sunshine State. Not much to report now except that I’ve gained 274 pounds—it was hell getting on that plane!
Thursday, June 12, 2003
Wednesday, June 11, 2003
It’s not a march any more, it’s a parade. A parade with corporate sponsors such as Fleet Bank, Wainright Bank, Captain Morgan’s Rum, Smirnoff, Bud Lite, Jose Cuervo and Verizon. It’s not about gay rights any more. It’s about outrageous displays of public behavior. It’s about half-naked steroid boys tweaked out of their minds on crystal meth publicly strutting their buffed and well-oiled bodies. It’s about women baring their torsos to shockingly display their pierced nipples. And we lament our lot in life because we’re not taken seriously.
Saturday, June 07, 2003
I try to keep a healthy diet. Once in a while, however, I get cravings for junk food. No, not McDonalds or Burger King, what they serve hardly qualifies as food.
I should have never had that last bewy1 last night. Not only did I fall asleep in my bling-bling2 but I also had to get up twice in the middle of the night to go to the minging3 khazi4. Now I feel like such a head-case5 that I think I'll just plop in front of the tele and watch blipverts6 all day. Can someone please half-inch7 me when it's over?
Thursday, June 05, 2003
Ladies, please allow me to introduce you. Martha...Big Bertha...Leona. Big Bertha...Martha...Leona. Leona...Martha...Big Bertha.posted by Mad | 5:54:00 PM
Wednesday, June 04, 2003
I’ve trying to psych myself up for my pilgrimage to Florida. I’ve been checking the weather; 98ºF, 100% humidity, partly sunny with a 30% chance of thundershowers every day for the next ten days. I don’t know why I bother to check the forecast. Florida’s weather is, if anything, predictable in June. Hot. Humid. Sticky. I’ll be packing lots of shorts, fluffy shirts and sandals. Best not forget a couple of swimming trunks for the beach. Please note that I did not say Speedos. Speedos ought to be banned along with their cousin Thong—a.k.a. anal floss. I better pack some disco wear in case I want to take in some of the local nightlife.
Monday, June 02, 2003
I have never been in a country where so many of its citizens claim to be nationals from other lands. There seems to be a tremendous deal of confusion about the nationality of American citizens. A great deal of people who were born and raised here seem to hail from other shores.
Mother Genius just heard her favorite words: I’ll be there in two weeks. Her predictable response was: What do you want to eat?
Wednesday, May 28, 2003
The grease traps have been cleaned, the emergency exits have been cleared and the nice man from the sanitation department has been bribed.
Tuesday, May 27, 2003
This morning, at a quarter past six, I put a white plumeria blossom behind my left ear and went to the toilet where I had an extraordinarily odorless and effortless defecation. So odorless, that the plumeria blossom and the scented toilet paper completely dominated the situation. So effortless, that its smoothness reminded me of the honey of busy bees.
Thursday, May 22, 2003
I'm off to the easternmost point of the continental United States. I’m off to the place on the East Coast where one can watch the sun set over the ocean. I’m off to the place where the likes of Tennessee Williams and Marlon Brando used to frolic on Herring Cove Beach. Yes, I’m officially kicking off the cool and damp beginning of summer in Provincetown.
Tuesday, May 20, 2003
I’ve been doing this for nearly a year and I’ve read many blogs—have I ever mentioned how much I detest that word? Have I ever told you that, to me, blog sounds like something that needs to be lanced, packed with gauze and treated with massive doses of antibiotics? I’ve discovered something over these past few months: Bloglandia is, for the most part, a barren and bleak wasteland.
Thursday, May 15, 2003
Tonight, the heavens will grace us with a total lunar eclipse.
There is a drama unfolding in Florida four miles off the coast of Key Largo.